my sky my body. belated winter solstice, a birthday"It's a funny sort of thing," they like to say in Feldenkrais classes when noticing how one thing subtly relates to another.
When I can't have a proper conversation my mind fragments. Here are some shards that have lingered here and in the draft folder in my mind:
No I don't want to see Nicole Kidman's frozen face attempt to perform Lucille Ball. 
I don't want to read about her process, no matter how popular The NYTimes tells me it is. I don't want to see her picture and I don't really want anyone else to enjoy it either.
ok, no, I realize she is a victim, not just a perpetrator of our vacant plastic aesthetic.
But resist if you can. Make them look at your true changing beauty. like so
My Feldenkrais friend said I have a beautiful body. When I laughed bitterly he reminded me of its intelligence, the fruit of my labor over these many years to listen to its hidden harmony. Is that something to be proud of? Is it important to be proud?
I cannot hold my head up anymore. My back arches more and more to compensate, and today my lower back is in spasm. My grandmother used to push my head down in the Russian Orthodox church. To punish her for enforcing humility I left her chosen religion and returned to her roots, our roots, as a Jew. no no no, that wasn't the real reason, but do you appreciate the irony?
I am humble. I am near the end. I've decided to try again to post something every week, Wednesday now because Friday was unworkable. I will post fragments, or whatever I've got.
You matter to me.
Jan 5, 2021